Love You
by astradanvers
Summary: They're keeping secrets, one of them is tired of it.
1. Chapter 1

Alex presses herself against Astra, their breaths mingling together, "I've missed you," she whispers. "Where have you been?"

"Thinking," Astra tells the younger woman, pushing her back, "thinking about you and me."

"And just what have you been thinking?" Alex questions, voice playful.

Astra sighs, steps away from Alex, "I'm tired of being your secret," she says tiredly. She crosses her arms, "It's been three years, Alexandra."

"Astra -"

"No," the older woman says shaking her head. She drops her head, staring at her feet, "I want to tell Kara why I'm always so happy. I want to kiss you before we leave on missions. I want to hold your hand at game night." She brushes at tears that trail down her cheeks without her permission, "Dammit, Alex," and the shortened version of her name tells Alex how upset Astra truly is, "I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you." She growls low in her throat, "I want to love you."

Alex looks away from the other woman, "I can't," she murmurs. Astra is gone before she can blink, "I already do."

 **Prompt: 36. "I'm tired of being your secret."**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So a bunch of people wanted a part two of this. Well here it is, hope you all enjoy.**

Alex hears the sound of her balcony door open, she doesn't look up, only two people would be coming in that way, well one now she supposes. She hears the footsteps across her floors, the sound of murmurs about the clothes spread over her floor. She wants to shrug, she's been too tired to care about laundry and too, she can't or won't name the emotion, to want to be around other people.

"Alex?"

The voice is that of her sister, Alex doesn't open her eyes, doesn't raise her head, "Go away, Kara, I'm not coming tonight."

"What did you do?" Kara demands and Alex isn't sure she's ever heard the younger woman's voice sound like that. She sounds some combination of angry and hurt and sad and helpless all at once, "What did you do?"

Alex opens her eyes, rolls her head over to take in the sight of her sister, "Nothing."

"Well nothing," Kara spits, "is damn sure driving her away." Alex isn't sure she's ever seen Kara like this before, the young woman is this protective of only four people in her life, her wife, her son, her aunt and Alex, her sister. "She's leaving, Alex, and I don't know where or how long but she's leaving." She eyes her sister's form, "I thought when this started," she says quietly, "that I'd have to worry about her breaking you but then a year came and went and you didn't tell me, neither of you, but you loved and you were happy. I was okay with that, I wanted you to both be happy. For three years I watched you make each other happy while you thought no one else knew," she gives a sad smile, "it was comical at times." Alex has closed her eyes again, tears trailing from her eyes over the apple of her cheeks into her hair. "But it was you that broke her." She shakes her head, "Fix this, Alex," she tells her older sister firmly, "because you're both miserable and I talked to Hank, I know why you haven't left the house," she sniffs experimentally, "or bothered to shower in days." She nods, "Fix this for both of you."

Alex doesn't move but her tears begin to fall faster, "I don't know how," she gasps out, voice cracking.

Moving forward Kara gathers her big sister into her arms, cuddles the older woman like a child, "Sssh," she says quietly, calmly. Alex clings to her sister, fingers wrapped in the fabric of Kara's cape, "The two of you love each other, Lex, it was-is so obvious," she says, "what happened."

"Astra was tired of hiding," Alex whispers quietly. "She's wants a home and a family, she wants it with me."

"That thought has forever scared you," Kara says carefully, remembering conversations from years ago with her sister. "You've never told her how much the thought of home and family terrify you?"

Alex shakes her head, "We were always so easy as what we were. I loved her-I love her, but as long as I never had to say it, to face it everything was fine." She crawls into her sister's lap, the way she used to when Jeremiah died, the Kara used to hers during her first year as Supergirl, "Then she came to me and she told me," Alex tucks her head into the crook of Kara's neck, "she told me she wanted all these things. She called me Alex and told me she wanted to love me."

"She already loves you."

"I know," the older woman says.

Kara tucks hair behind Alex's ear, "So get dressed and come talk to her. Tell her that you're scared, Alex." She smiles slightly, "You of all people should know that Astra has more fears than most, she just hides them better."

Slowly Alex nods, "Okay," she manages to breathe out. "Fly me?"

"Of course," Kara says, "but first you need a shower," she grins, "you stink, big sister."

"Okay," Alex murmurs and stumbles up from Kara's lap, she almost to her room when she glances back, "hey, Kar?" Kara's head pops up to meet her sister's gaze, "Thanks, little sister." Kara gives Alex a single nod before she disappears down the hall.

GDGDGDGDGDGDGDGDGDGD

As they land on the balcony, Kara feels Alex's heart rate skyrocket, "Hey," she whispers to her sister, pulling her into a hug, "it'll all work out, okay?"

Alex nods, jilted and twitchy but she nods, "Let's do this," she says firmly, squaring her shoulders and moving into her sister's home.

When she steps into the living room off the balcony, Alex can feel Astra, she'd known she was there, of course, but the hairs on the back of her neck stand up when she's this close to the other woman. She knows where Astra will be and she makes her way there silently. When she stops in the doorway to Carter's room she can't fight her smile, wouldn't if she could.

Astra and Carter are sitting in the floor, pieces of something, she thinks it might be a radio scattered around them. She hates to interrupt but she needs to do this before she loses her nerve. She clears her throat and two heads turn to her, one with a bright smile and one with a wounded, hurt, angry look. Carter races into her arms, his wrapped around her, she presses a kiss to his forehead.

"Hey, bud," she says quietly, her eyes still on Astra, "can I borrow your Aunt Astra for a little while?"

Carter nods instantly, "Sure."

Astra hasn't moved, doesn't seem to be planning to either until Alex utters a quiet, "Please?"

Astra sighs, head drooping in slight defeat before lifting herself from the ground and following Alex out of the boy's room. Alex reaches for her hand unconsciously but Astra pulls away. The younger woman feels herself deflate a bit but doesn't reach for Astra again. When they step outside on the balcony off the living room Alex walks to the rail, draws in a deep breath and turns to face Astra.

"What do you want, Alexandra?"

Alex sighs, she hates the use of her full name, usually Astra calls her Al or brave one. The shortened form of her name is one she's always hated, it's the main reason Astra uses it, but not hearing it, that cuts Alex in a way she didn't anticipate. "I'm sorry," she finally says, voice small and barely there.

"That doesn't-"

"Please," Alex begs, "please just let me-let me say this. It's important and," she draws in a deep breath, "and I need you to understand something." Alex isn't sure what it is but something, a something she will forever be grateful for causes Astra to nod. "I've told you so much about myself, so many things that sometimes you know me better than I know myself." She fidgets with her hands, "When my father died," she says quietly, "I lost my biggest supporter, the one who always protected me from the disappointment I always seemed to be to my mother. But I lost something else that day too," she looks down at her hands and then back up at Astra, "I lost the belief that I would ever be truly happy again."

Astra steps forward then, reaching for her but let's her hand drop instead, "If my mother could lose the love of her life, if I could lose my father before he got to walk me down the aisle, as I'd always dreamed he would, then how could I take a risk on ever trying to find someone to love." She reaches up to brush the tears on her cheeks away, "I've always been terrified of love and marriage and family, of commitment to one person because I don't want to leave my family the way my father left us. I do the same job he did," she says, hands out at her sides, "how can I ask someone, anyone to spend their life with me, have children with me when I may not come home tomorrow?"

Astra does reach out then, her hands curling around Alex's upper arms and sliding down to lace their fingers together, "Oh, brave one," she says quietly, drawing the younger woman closer. Alex goes willingly, tucking her head against Astra's neck, breathing in the smell that lingers in her bed, on her clothes but that seems to have grown stale in those places. "Why have you never told me?"

"If I told you, if I voiced any of it," Alex says, face hidden by Astra's hair, "it made everything real. Made us real and if we were real, then tomorrow it could all be gone." She looks up to Astra then, "But we have always, always been real. I'm sorry I didn't realize that before." She tucks herself back against Astra, "I do love you," she whispers, the words so foreign to her when said to anyone besides Kara, "I love you so much it hurts."

Astra presses a kiss against her temple, "I love you too, brave one." She holds Alex closer, one hand coming up to tangle in Alex's hair, "I love you too."


End file.
